Quote For The Week

Another quote from my favorite person Bob Marley. A wise man--

"The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively."
Bob Marley

Living life like a Gypsy

My life has been lived like a gypsy. The longest I've ever lived in one place, is when I was a child growing up in California. I was born in a small town in Northern California and lived there until I was fourteen years old.
 My parents divorced when I was five years old,  I never knew what it was like to live in a two parent household, mainly being raised by my mom,  but I remember the day my father moved out of the house like it was yesterday. I remember going in my room and packing my little suitcase,   I walked to the doorway where my mom was standing in the doorway of our kitchen to the garage and my dad was in his jeep, I stood in front of my mom with my suitcase and looked at my dad; He looked at me and asked me where I was going, and I told him I was going to live with him. I'll never forget him telling me I needed to stay with my mom. I was devastated.  I wanted to live with my dad, but he pulled out of the garage and left.  The rest of my childhood was split between parents, until my eighth grade year, this was the year my whole life the way I knew it would be changed forever. It was summer when we moved, we finally arrived in Utah after a two day trip in a U haul truck with my mom, brother, and our cat "spooks," I felt as if I was in a foreign country. Not knowing anything but California, I was shocked during my two day travel to discover the rest of the world didn't look like California. Arriving to Northern Utah all I saw was mountains. I was feeling claustrophobic. As beautiful as the mountains were I felt as if I couldn't breath, I was surrounded by mountains.  Utahn's had a language I'd never heard before. Using words, such as, "sluff," which, meant to "ditch" school, and "Oh my Heck," which, meant,  "Oh my God." or "Oh my heck", which was, "Oh my Hell", I was teased for talking to proper and pronouncing my "ing." ( For example, "nothing" would be "nothin.") Utah was a much more conservative state, not the liberal views I was use to in California. I was in a bit of culture shock when we first moved. Moving to Utah was the first of many moves; I didn't understand the chain reaction this move would create.

  We never stayed in one place, same home, for more than a couple years and that, would become a long time. As soon as I made friends; we were packing and moving to the next town. I became so many different people. One school, I was one of the popular kids, the next school I was everyones friend at school, but had no friend outside of school, the next school, only people that took me in would be the parking lot crew(the stoners or partiers), another school, I experienced my first boyfriend and it was just the two of us, not two schools would be the same experience. I quickly learned how different people were depending on where they lived. I experienced all kinds of attitudes from people, how some towns embraced new people moving in and others, didn't accept change at all. Sadly, I was judged for being new, or coming from a single parent home, not having enough money, not being religious enough and the best one of all, I was told once they didn't like me, because I was. "too nice." 

By the time I was nineteen. I had moved to seven different towns, experienced 2 more failed marriage, went to five different Elementary schools, two different middle schools, and four different High Schools.

I turned eighteen and was on a plane the day after High School graduation to begin my own journey. It all started with me being a Nanny in New York. A couple of friends joined me making this their journey too, so I wasn't all alone.  I met a lot of wonderful people and had an experience of a lifetime. It was my first time being on my own,  I made all my own decisions.  I felt so carefree, as if the world was ALL mine! I loved the weekends; I would take the train with friends and go into Manhattan, jumping on the giant piano in FAO Swartz(wanted to do that, ever since watching "Big"),walking down Time Square and taking pictures with President Reagan and other card board life size images of celebrities we would see on the sidewalks, Seeing Time Square, Broadway and Tiffany's was memorizing, being able to be at the Macy's Thanksgiving parade was unforgettable and the taxi rides, those were so awesome,  I'll never forget a taxi running over my foot in front of Macy's.  Don't get in the taxis way! Going to "SOHO" and buying my first imitation "guess" watch from a guy selling them on the street. Walking through Grenwich village and taking pictures with random people.(still have all those pictures) and riding the subway. Regretfully, not taking the boat to the lady herself or going inside "Twin Towers" are the things I wish I had done while I was there. I walked past both so many times.  After "9/11" I regretted it even more. 

While being a Nanny, I got to go on their family vacation to Nantucket.  We drove the East Coast and it was astonishing. I toured historical homes in Rhode Island,  and picnicked in Massachusetts, but the most memorable of them all was seeing all the transvestites in Cape Cod. Talk about an eye opening experience for a girl coming from Utah. They dressed in high heels, short mini skirts, and sleazy tank tops. Some had feathers around their necks twirling and walking in circles, with such attitude.  Reggae music in the background all along the beach. There were bands all up and down the Cape Cod and people dancing everywhere. I was so mesmerized, by Cape Cod.  

The next morning we took the 3 hour ferry ride over to Nantucket. It was breathtaking. Staring in the open ocean and imagining everything underneath the ocean waters, hoping to see anything jump out of the water, but never did. 

Nantucket, was an amazing island. The streets were made of cobblestone and everyone got around by moped. We took an excursion to watch the whales and the only thing I ended up watching was the captains son who was guiding the sails on the boat. He couldn't have been much older than me at the time and he was gorgeous. Somehow, I managed to get a picture of us on the boat and to this day still have the picture. I often wonder what ever came of him. Nantucket is one place I have always wanted to go back and see.
 
In my adult life I continued moving around. Apple didn't fall far from the tree in moving around aspect. My husband and I have lived in eight different places and three states. life circumstances have kept us moving around.

There has been good and bad that's come with moving around so much, but it's the only life I've ever known.  There has been lesson's learned from every place I have lived  I wouldn't trade the memories. I've met wonderful people and made some lifetime friends.  Moving around can be hard, means lots of starting over, sometimes devastating, but it can also be a blessing, rewarding, liberating and wonderful. 

" Be a traveler, not a tourist. Try new things, meet new people, and look beyond what's right in front of you. Those are the keys to understanding this amazing world we live in." Andrew Zimmern

 I have experienced my share of laughter, tears, trials and tribulations, I've had a lifetime of learning and I continue to learn everyday. I know my life isn't an easy one or for that matter a normal one, but it's MINE. 

You can become hateful, angry, and bitter, or you can see the positive in every situation and the lesson to learn, this is what determines the integrity, dignity, and character of your soul.

Quote For The Week

"Every day, a new opportunity to decide where your next step will go is given to you. Your future will be determined by the accumulation of these daily decisions. You control your steps and therefore your destiny, so choose wisely."
Kevin Ngo

Quote For The Week

"Take risk: if you win, you will be happy; if you lose, you will be wiser."
  Unknown

Quote For The Week

This week was a tough one. Having to say Good-bye to my oldest son and his new bride gave me the inspiration to say Good-bye to a lot of things. I spring cleaned my house and got rid of things I was hanging onto for years, wondering why I found them so important and realized they no longer served their purpose. The materialistic things I thought were so irreplaceable are nothing compared to a child. I was finally able to allow myself to get rid of clutter and memorabilia that I've been hauling all over the country for years. Having to see a child leave his family nest to start his own family was the hardest thing to date I've had to do, and it made me realize the things I placed so important and irreplaceable ARE replaceable, I was finally able to let them go.This week I didn't only say Good-bye to my son as he moves on with his life. I was also able to say Good-bye to a lot of my past and move on also. Needless to say I'm having a huge yard sale!  I find this quote fitting for this week. I hope you find it inspirational too--

"Parents rarely let go of their children, so children let go of them. They move on. They move away. The moments that used to define them- a mother's approval, a father's nod, are covered by moments of their own accomplishments. It is not until much later, as the skin sags and the heart weakens, that children understand; their stories, and all their accomplishments, sit atop the stories of their mothers and fathers, stones upon stones, beneath the waters of their lives."
 Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven

Cutting Those Apron Strings

"Parents rarely let go of their children, so children let go of them. They move on. They move away. The moments that used to define them- a mother's approval, a father's nod, are covered by moments of their own accomplishments. It is not until much later, as the skin sags and the heart weakens, that children understand; their stories, and all their accomplishments, sit atop the stories of their mothers and fathers, stones upon stones, beneath the waters of their lives."

 Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven

When I started having children my life ended as I knew it and a new way of life began.  Days of no sleep, nursing sick children, cleaning up puke, performing first aid on endless cuts, scrapes and bruises, yelling and arguing, sadness, laughter and love, many talks and sometimes just listening, being chauffeur to many play dates, sports, sleepovers, I became enslaved to my children, The career I once dreamed of now put on hold, the freedom I once had now gone. For the next 18 years I live, breathe, for my children, dreaming for the day they leave, and journey into the world on their own and, then, one day it's here! Just like that, I  blink and they are all grown up,  all the stress and joys of raising them I realize I'm not ready to let them go, I question did I raised them right, teach them enough, educationally, spiritually, morally, did I give them the right advise? Do they know not to mix whites with colors, not to cook everything on high, how much medicine to take when they don't feel good, do they know the recipe to their favorite home cook meal, for a minute I start to second guess the last 18 years I was there for them building their nest of security. I thought having children was hard, watching them leave is harder.

The day when your child graduates from High School is one of the biggest milestones in their lives. A milestone stating their childhood is complete and all the sleepless nights of yelling at them to do their homework, curfews of being home early on school nights, has paid off,  It closes one chapter in their lives and allows them to start their adulthood while they still know everything.

One of the proud moments of my life was watching my children graduate from High School.  A reassurance,  that I did alright as a parent. knowing they will be leaving soon after  graduation, makes this special day bitter/sweet. I prepared the whole time being a parent teaching my children to be successful in life and now I had to put faith in my own teachings and trust I taught them enough, so they will be able to go out in the world and be a successful, functional young adult; Understanding children will have challenges in life and I won't always be there, not because I don't want to be there, but, because I know my children are not going to share things with me like they did when they are younger.

The day my eldest left home for college was a sobering one; excited to see what kind of adult he will be and what life has in store for him, but sad his childhood is nothing but pictures in photo albums and memories now. Finally, understanding that stage in our lives is over, is an emotional one. I wanted to hold him and never let him go,I wanted to still protect him from the world,  but at the same time I could see his excitement, still  naive, but,  longing for self independence to move on and become his own person, I knew he was ready. 

It doesn't take long for the dreaded words you hope to never hear come,  "I'm too busy,"  "Can't take off work," or "need to study for finals," "wish I could."  I began to understand why my mom got so excited for the holidays. A time in all our young lives where the importance of family gathering seems so petty, as you become older you cherish every family get together you are able to have.  I started to look forward to when college was out and I knew he would be home. I made sure all their childhood memories and favorite decorations were sitting out around the house, so we could reminisce about them later. The holidays were no longer about making it fun, but cherishing the time I had all my children home.

I wanted to know everything while they were home.  Friends? Girlfriends? Boyfriends? How life was going? I was so excited to hear all about their lives away from home.  They would answer my questions, but I could feel a sense of coolness, They didn't get excited to tell me anymore like they did when they were younger, all of a sudden I was just being nosey, or meddling,  It hurts to see the closeness slipping away, I am not the main person in their lives anymore.  Growing up they depended on me for everything, now they depends on their friends, co-workers, or jobs. Then, it hit me out of nowhere,  it was happening just like it did for me with my parents, tat that moment I could see my young adult self in their eyes.   I had been foolish just enough to think time would stop for me, but it didn't.

My son's senior year of college two more major milestones happened. The "BIG" day he told me he wanted to ask his girlfriend to marry him. We talked for hours, I was so excited, but, I think secretly I was hoping to talk him out of it for my own selfish reasons, no mother wants to be replaced by another girl you know he will depend on more than you, but knowing in my heart it would never happen I had to accept it and let him move on.  I felt very honored when he chose me to go with him to pick her engagement ring. I knew the whole time we were looking at rings this would probably be the last real mother/son time we would have and I cherished every minute of it. We went to all the jewelry stores in town before we found the perfect ring for this special girl he had chosen to make his wife. I couldn't help but keep staring at my little boy, only to realize my son had truly become a man.

He proposed to her like a perfect gentleman asking her father for her hand in marriage first. They gave him their blessing. The next time we saw them she was wearing her ring. It looked gorgeous on her and my son was proud to show it off to us. Soon the wedding planning began.

Exactly a month after his college graduation we were sitting at his wedding. This day was a surreal moment for me. I was there, but it felt like an outer body experience.  This boy I loved and invested so much of my life into was now going to share his life with someone else.  This is going to be new territory for me. I won't be the person he counts on, shares his secrets with, asks advice, calls when he doesn't feel good, She will be who he turns too, which, is how it should be, this parenting stuff is getting a lot harder, than I thought. The biggest challenge has been letting go.
 

 We put so much time and energy into being a mom from the day you find out your pregnant, impatiently waiting, waiting for the morning sickness to end, waiting until baby is born, waiting for baby to sleep through the night, waiting for them to crawl, waiting for them to take their first steps, waiting for them to go to school, waiting for them to grow up and when they finally do, we don't want to let go, we wait for their calls, wait for their visits, being a mother is a life of a lot of waiting, but I would wait all over again, if I could.

One by one my children have flown the coop, and new chapters have started. The latest chapter is called "Mima and Papa" our new names. The day will come when our children will have to cut their apron strings, and so will their children, and their children and life comes full circle.