"Take risk: if you win, you will be happy; if you lose, you will be wiser."
Unknown
Monday, July 15, 2013
Monday, July 8, 2013
Quote For The Week
This week was a tough one. Having to say Good-bye to my oldest son and his new bride gave me the inspiration to say Good-bye to a lot of things. I spring cleaned my house and got rid of things I was hanging onto for years, wondering why I found them so important and realized they no longer served their purpose. The materialistic things I thought were so irreplaceable are nothing compared to a child. I was finally able to allow myself to get rid of clutter and memorabilia that I've been hauling all over the country for years. Having to see a child leave his family nest to start his own family was the hardest thing to date I've had to do, and it made me realize the things I placed so important and irreplaceable ARE replaceable, I was finally able to let them go.This week I didn't only say Good-bye to my son as he moves on with his life. I was also able to say Good-bye to a lot of my past and move on also. Needless to say I'm having a huge yard sale! I find this quote fitting for this week. I hope you find it inspirational too--
"Parents rarely let go of their children, so children let go of them. They move on. They move away. The moments that used to define them- a mother's approval, a father's nod, are covered by moments of their own accomplishments. It is not until much later, as the skin sags and the heart weakens, that children understand; their stories, and all their accomplishments, sit atop the stories of their mothers and fathers, stones upon stones, beneath the waters of their lives."
Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven
"Parents rarely let go of their children, so children let go of them. They move on. They move away. The moments that used to define them- a mother's approval, a father's nod, are covered by moments of their own accomplishments. It is not until much later, as the skin sags and the heart weakens, that children understand; their stories, and all their accomplishments, sit atop the stories of their mothers and fathers, stones upon stones, beneath the waters of their lives."
Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven
Sunday, July 7, 2013
Cutting Those Apron Strings
"Parents rarely let go of their children, so children let go of them. They move on. They move away. The moments that used to define them- a mother's approval, a father's nod, are covered by moments of their own accomplishments. It is not until much later, as the skin sags and the heart weakens, that children understand; their stories, and all their accomplishments, sit atop the stories of their mothers and fathers, stones upon stones, beneath the waters of their lives."
Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven
When I started having children my life ended as I knew it and a new way of life began. Days of no sleep, nursing sick children, cleaning up puke, performing first aid on endless cuts, scrapes and bruises, yelling and arguing, sadness, laughter and love, many talks and sometimes just listening, being chauffeur to many play dates, sports, sleepovers, I became enslaved to my children, The career I once dreamed of now put on hold, the freedom I once had now gone. For the next 18 years I live, breathe, for my children, dreaming for the day they leave, and journey into the world on their own and, then, one day it's here! Just like that, I blink and they are all grown up, all the stress and joys of raising them I realize I'm not ready to let them go, I question did I raised them right, teach them enough, educationally, spiritually, morally, did I give them the right advise? Do they know not to mix whites with colors, not to cook everything on high, how much medicine to take when they don't feel good, do they know the recipe to their favorite home cook meal, for a minute I start to second guess the last 18 years I was there for them building their nest of security. I thought having children was hard, watching them leave is harder.
The day when your child graduates from High School is one of the biggest milestones in their lives. A milestone stating their childhood is complete and all the sleepless nights of yelling at them to do their homework, curfews of being home early on school nights, has paid off, It closes one chapter in their lives and allows them to start their adulthood while they still know everything.
One of the proud moments of my life was watching my children graduate from High School. A reassurance, that I did alright as a parent. knowing they will be leaving soon after graduation, makes this special day bitter/sweet. I prepared the whole time being a parent teaching my children to be successful in life and now I had to put faith in my own teachings and trust I taught them enough, so they will be able to go out in the world and be a successful, functional young adult; Understanding children will have challenges in life and I won't always be there, not because I don't want to be there, but, because I know my children are not going to share things with me like they did when they are younger.
The day my eldest left home for college was a sobering one; excited to see what kind of adult he will be and what life has in store for him, but sad his childhood is nothing but pictures in photo albums and memories now. Finally, understanding that stage in our lives is over, is an emotional one. I wanted to hold him and never let him go,I wanted to still protect him from the world, but at the same time I could see his excitement, still naive, but, longing for self independence to move on and become his own person, I knew he was ready.
It doesn't take long for the dreaded words you hope to never hear come, "I'm too busy," "Can't take off work," or "need to study for finals," "wish I could." I began to understand why my mom got so excited for the holidays. A time in all our young lives where the importance of family gathering seems so petty, as you become older you cherish every family get together you are able to have. I started to look forward to when college was out and I knew he would be home. I made sure all their childhood memories and favorite decorations were sitting out around the house, so we could reminisce about them later. The holidays were no longer about making it fun, but cherishing the time I had all my children home.
I wanted to know everything while they were home. Friends? Girlfriends? Boyfriends? How life was going? I was so excited to hear all about their lives away from home. They would answer my questions, but I could feel a sense of coolness, They didn't get excited to tell me anymore like they did when they were younger, all of a sudden I was just being nosey, or meddling, It hurts to see the closeness slipping away, I am not the main person in their lives anymore. Growing up they depended on me for everything, now they depends on their friends, co-workers, or jobs. Then, it hit me out of nowhere, it was happening just like it did for me with my parents, tat that moment I could see my young adult self in their eyes. I had been foolish just enough to think time would stop for me, but it didn't.
My son's senior year of college two more major milestones happened. The "BIG" day he told me he wanted to ask his girlfriend to marry him. We talked for hours, I was so excited, but, I think secretly I was hoping to talk him out of it for my own selfish reasons, no mother wants to be replaced by another girl you know he will depend on more than you, but knowing in my heart it would never happen I had to accept it and let him move on. I felt very honored when he chose me to go with him to pick her engagement ring. I knew the whole time we were looking at rings this would probably be the last real mother/son time we would have and I cherished every minute of it. We went to all the jewelry stores in town before we found the perfect ring for this special girl he had chosen to make his wife. I couldn't help but keep staring at my little boy, only to realize my son had truly become a man.
He proposed to her like a perfect gentleman asking her father for her hand in marriage first. They gave him their blessing. The next time we saw them she was wearing her ring. It looked gorgeous on her and my son was proud to show it off to us. Soon the wedding planning began.
Exactly a month after his college graduation we were sitting at his wedding. This day was a surreal moment for me. I was there, but it felt like an outer body experience. This boy I loved and invested so much of my life into was now going to share his life with someone else. This is going to be new territory for me. I won't be the person he counts on, shares his secrets with, asks advice, calls when he doesn't feel good, She will be who he turns too, which, is how it should be, this parenting stuff is getting a lot harder, than I thought. The biggest challenge has been letting go.
We put so much time and energy into being a mom from the day you find out your pregnant, impatiently waiting, waiting for the morning sickness to end, waiting until baby is born, waiting for baby to sleep through the night, waiting for them to crawl, waiting for them to take their first steps, waiting for them to go to school, waiting for them to grow up and when they finally do, we don't want to let go, we wait for their calls, wait for their visits, being a mother is a life of a lot of waiting, but I would wait all over again, if I could.
One by one my children have flown the coop, and new chapters have started. The latest chapter is called "Mima and Papa" our new names. The day will come when our children will have to cut their apron strings, and so will their children, and their children and life comes full circle.
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Quote For the Week
I love Bob Marley and marrying a reggae musician has kept Bob Marley in my life. Some of my most favorite quotes come from him. I have always been impressed with his laid back, chill look on life. He looked at everything in a positive matter, and never let anything bring him down. Although, I may not agree with all his views, I agree for the most part with his philosophy on life. He deserves to be the legend he is today. You will find I put a lot of his quotes on my blog.
This weeks quote:
"Live the life you love, Love the life you live."
Bob Marley
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Quote For The Week
6/26/13--I love Quotes. I find them inspiring and a nice way to express your feelings without having to say a lot of words. So I've decided to share some of my favorite Quotes on my blogger. I will start posting a weekly Quote, I hope you find them just as inspiring. I will begin with my own personal quote on life:
"My philosophy on life is to always find the good in everything. No matter how bad things get there is always a lesson to be learned, whether it be through experiences, friends, family, work, illness, love, or an enemy, it's only when you stop wanting to learn that you have failed life, life doesn't fail you." MJ Tupou
Friday, June 21, 2013
Some Marriage Advice
To all the Married Men and Women out there--
We spend our entire life being groomed to someday find that perfect man/ woman.
As little girls we imagine our dream wedding, even cut out magazine clippings of the perfect wedding dress, flowers, dream cake, wedding colors and the perfect wedding ring.
We stress over our figures, always dieting to be as attractive as we possibly can be in order to catch our Prince Charming's when he comes along. Making sure our make up is flawless, our hair is perfect, and baby soft skin.
We've learned body language, how to flirt just enough to get his attention, but not too much that there isn't any mystery to keep him interested.
Men, have learned to be as masculine as they can, or as smooth as an operator, walking around without their shirts on to catch our attention with their inevitable six pack. Showing off for us, yes we notice! knowing how smile just enough to be sexy. Learning how to shower us with gifts and making us feel like we are number one.
We have invested so much of our lives in catching that "Perfect" person, no one told us what to do once we found them. After walking down that isle and the honeymoon phrase is over, soon comes children, the fairytale story soon becomes reality, with screaming children, bills to pay, no sleep, no privacy, not always agreeing on everything, sometimes illness, stress of taking care of a family can change a person. The stress can take a toll on a marriage. So many of us fall into the unwanted trap of playing house and pretending you are a perfect couple, substituting happiness and love with materialistic things, vacations, keeping up with the "jones" We have put a value on love, marriage, and family with statue: the neighborhood we live in, the house we own, the schools our children attend, the cars we drive, how many activities we can do in one week, how many promotions we are given. We become so caught up in the everyday living of society, that we forget the simple thing that brought us together in the first place. Love, laughter and simply living for one another.
It is too easy to become a statistic in society with divorce rising and a two-parent household becoming the minority. So I have put together a list of ways to hold on to your spouse and marriage. This is purely my opinion based on my own personal experiences and you are entitled to agree or not agree.
1. Don't stop putting on your makeup and taking care of yourself. Just because he walked down the isle with you doesn't mean you need to stop investing time in keeping him attracted to you. Take pride in yourself and in how you look, when you feel good about yourself, it rubs onto him and he wants to be around you.
2. Don't stop cooking him dinner. Cook for him like you did when you wanted to impress him in the beginning of your relationship. I know woman work just as hard as the man, but sometimes something as simple as making him dinner can show him you appreciate his hard work. He may even surprise you with dinner when you come home from work, because he wants to show you he cares too. It's the simple deeds that go along ways in a marriage and pretty soon you find both of you are wanting to make one another happy all the time.
3. Don't become resentful. When you have to take care of the kids, work, cook, clean and be wife, mother, doctor, housemaid, and chauffeur. Remember, it's a maternal instinct to want to be "Superwoman" and you can't resent him because you are trying to be too much all by yourself. So many men believe if he brings home the bacon and provide for his family he has done his duty. It doesn't mean he loves you any less.
4. Show interest in your man. Be willing to share the TV and watch his sports. Invite people over(your friends and his) for Sporting events to make it fun for you, The things you dislike about him, find a way to make it interesting, you might just discover you are enjoying the things you didn't like. Soon, he may surprise you with watching one of those "girly" movies we know all men hate to watch, but he will do it for you.
5. Don't get mad when he leaves the toilet seat up! Be thankful he respected you enough to not pee on the toilet seat. He was thinking of you by leaving the toilet seat up. haha
6. Never go to bed mad! Girls we hold grudges more than men. They will move on and think it's over when we are still mad. It's best to resolve arguments before going to bed. It's not good to fall asleep with all that anger. At the beginning of everyday and at the end of everyday take time to yourselves to remember why you are married.
7. Keep a journal. When you find it hard to remember why you are married you can revisit entries that will remind you why you fell in love, and what it was about this person you chose to spend the rest of your life with. Always write Pro's and Con's. They will change over the years, as people change and mature, but as long as your Pro's outweigh the Con's you are still on the right track.
8. Don't expect things to be perfect! No one is perfect. when your spouse goes through changes accept his changes (as long as they are not harmful!). Your spouse will change over the years as they reach different maturity levels with age and as life events happen it will change a person. The best advice I was given early in my marriage, " you can leave and find someone else, but that new person will have their own set of problems too. Nobody is perfect. You need to decide what set of problems you are willing to live with, and what set of problems you are not willing to live with. Set boundaries, if your spouse hasn't crossed those boundaries, then be willing to deal with whatever his problems may be and accept him for who he is."
9. Don't NAG. Yes, I said it. It's one thing to talk and let him know you're upset or don't like something, talk it over with him and move on, but don't live in the past and continue to bring it up over and over. Don't constantly remind your partner of everything they are doing wrong, pretty soon they will believe it and turn into the person you say they are.
10. Be true to yourself. Never forget who you are! That is who he fell in love with in the first place. Don't become somebody he didn't fall in love with. Be the best woman you know how to be and true to your heart and you will always be the woman your husband married. He will fall in love with you all over again everyday.
My advice for men to keep your woman:
1. Love her, She is the one you wanted to spend the rest of your life with and the person you chose to be the mother of your children. Honor her and never take her for granted, never make her feel like you don't love her.
2. Don't be prideful. Your pride can be your best friend or your worst enemy. Allow yourself to be humbled. There is nothing a woman loves more than a man who can cry. It doesn't mean you are weak, but that you are human. Allow your spouse to be your strength, as you are hers. Don't be so prideful that you lose your direction.
3. Make your family priority. Don't be so involved in your career, that you forget why you are working in the first place. There is nothing more lonely than coming home to an empty house. No money in the world is worth losing your family. Make sure you have time for your loved ones.
4. Be there emotionally. Don't allow yourself to become roommates, you need to remember why you wanted to marry her and never let that passion die. Remember to make her feel as important to you as she did the day you married her. If you do this there isn't anything she won't do to make you happy.
5. Show your spouse respect. Be the kind of man to your wife you want your daughter to marry. And set the example of what kind of man you want your son to be. They will follow in your footsteps.
6. Listen. When girls talk to you we don't want you to fix everything, sometimes we just need you to be our friend and listen.
7. Be her strength, No wife wants to feel like she has to be your mother too. Remember she married you to be your companion and to be your best friend, Allow her to be that.
8. Be her friend. Remember you are married. Marriage is a "WE" This doesn't make you weak it's makes you friends to include each other. If you're hurting or stressed, talk to your wife, include her, don't shut down. this will bring you closer.
9. Be honest! No marriage can survive secrets or lies. This goes for woman too!
10. Be prepared. Never forget your anniversary, valentines, birthdays, or any other special day in your marriage. Make plans, don't ever just assume your partner will make plans, or ask your partner what they want to do. (NO, NO) make an effort to let your partner know they are important to you, that you went out of your way to make it special, even, if it's just a dinner at home or a car ride or a walk, just the two of you, doesn't need to be expensive or extravagant, ,just needs to let her know she is important to you.
We spend our entire life being groomed to someday find that perfect man/ woman.
As little girls we imagine our dream wedding, even cut out magazine clippings of the perfect wedding dress, flowers, dream cake, wedding colors and the perfect wedding ring.
We stress over our figures, always dieting to be as attractive as we possibly can be in order to catch our Prince Charming's when he comes along. Making sure our make up is flawless, our hair is perfect, and baby soft skin.
We've learned body language, how to flirt just enough to get his attention, but not too much that there isn't any mystery to keep him interested.
Men, have learned to be as masculine as they can, or as smooth as an operator, walking around without their shirts on to catch our attention with their inevitable six pack. Showing off for us, yes we notice! knowing how smile just enough to be sexy. Learning how to shower us with gifts and making us feel like we are number one.
We have invested so much of our lives in catching that "Perfect" person, no one told us what to do once we found them. After walking down that isle and the honeymoon phrase is over, soon comes children, the fairytale story soon becomes reality, with screaming children, bills to pay, no sleep, no privacy, not always agreeing on everything, sometimes illness, stress of taking care of a family can change a person. The stress can take a toll on a marriage. So many of us fall into the unwanted trap of playing house and pretending you are a perfect couple, substituting happiness and love with materialistic things, vacations, keeping up with the "jones" We have put a value on love, marriage, and family with statue: the neighborhood we live in, the house we own, the schools our children attend, the cars we drive, how many activities we can do in one week, how many promotions we are given. We become so caught up in the everyday living of society, that we forget the simple thing that brought us together in the first place. Love, laughter and simply living for one another.
It is too easy to become a statistic in society with divorce rising and a two-parent household becoming the minority. So I have put together a list of ways to hold on to your spouse and marriage. This is purely my opinion based on my own personal experiences and you are entitled to agree or not agree.
"Real giving is when we give to our spouses what's important to them, whether we understand it, like it, agree with it, or not." Michele Weiner-Davis
My advice for Woman in keeping your man:1. Don't stop putting on your makeup and taking care of yourself. Just because he walked down the isle with you doesn't mean you need to stop investing time in keeping him attracted to you. Take pride in yourself and in how you look, when you feel good about yourself, it rubs onto him and he wants to be around you.
2. Don't stop cooking him dinner. Cook for him like you did when you wanted to impress him in the beginning of your relationship. I know woman work just as hard as the man, but sometimes something as simple as making him dinner can show him you appreciate his hard work. He may even surprise you with dinner when you come home from work, because he wants to show you he cares too. It's the simple deeds that go along ways in a marriage and pretty soon you find both of you are wanting to make one another happy all the time.
3. Don't become resentful. When you have to take care of the kids, work, cook, clean and be wife, mother, doctor, housemaid, and chauffeur. Remember, it's a maternal instinct to want to be "Superwoman" and you can't resent him because you are trying to be too much all by yourself. So many men believe if he brings home the bacon and provide for his family he has done his duty. It doesn't mean he loves you any less.
4. Show interest in your man. Be willing to share the TV and watch his sports. Invite people over(your friends and his) for Sporting events to make it fun for you, The things you dislike about him, find a way to make it interesting, you might just discover you are enjoying the things you didn't like. Soon, he may surprise you with watching one of those "girly" movies we know all men hate to watch, but he will do it for you.
5. Don't get mad when he leaves the toilet seat up! Be thankful he respected you enough to not pee on the toilet seat. He was thinking of you by leaving the toilet seat up. haha
6. Never go to bed mad! Girls we hold grudges more than men. They will move on and think it's over when we are still mad. It's best to resolve arguments before going to bed. It's not good to fall asleep with all that anger. At the beginning of everyday and at the end of everyday take time to yourselves to remember why you are married.
7. Keep a journal. When you find it hard to remember why you are married you can revisit entries that will remind you why you fell in love, and what it was about this person you chose to spend the rest of your life with. Always write Pro's and Con's. They will change over the years, as people change and mature, but as long as your Pro's outweigh the Con's you are still on the right track.
8. Don't expect things to be perfect! No one is perfect. when your spouse goes through changes accept his changes (as long as they are not harmful!). Your spouse will change over the years as they reach different maturity levels with age and as life events happen it will change a person. The best advice I was given early in my marriage, " you can leave and find someone else, but that new person will have their own set of problems too. Nobody is perfect. You need to decide what set of problems you are willing to live with, and what set of problems you are not willing to live with. Set boundaries, if your spouse hasn't crossed those boundaries, then be willing to deal with whatever his problems may be and accept him for who he is."
9. Don't NAG. Yes, I said it. It's one thing to talk and let him know you're upset or don't like something, talk it over with him and move on, but don't live in the past and continue to bring it up over and over. Don't constantly remind your partner of everything they are doing wrong, pretty soon they will believe it and turn into the person you say they are.
10. Be true to yourself. Never forget who you are! That is who he fell in love with in the first place. Don't become somebody he didn't fall in love with. Be the best woman you know how to be and true to your heart and you will always be the woman your husband married. He will fall in love with you all over again everyday.
My advice for men to keep your woman:
1. Love her, She is the one you wanted to spend the rest of your life with and the person you chose to be the mother of your children. Honor her and never take her for granted, never make her feel like you don't love her.
2. Don't be prideful. Your pride can be your best friend or your worst enemy. Allow yourself to be humbled. There is nothing a woman loves more than a man who can cry. It doesn't mean you are weak, but that you are human. Allow your spouse to be your strength, as you are hers. Don't be so prideful that you lose your direction.
3. Make your family priority. Don't be so involved in your career, that you forget why you are working in the first place. There is nothing more lonely than coming home to an empty house. No money in the world is worth losing your family. Make sure you have time for your loved ones.
4. Be there emotionally. Don't allow yourself to become roommates, you need to remember why you wanted to marry her and never let that passion die. Remember to make her feel as important to you as she did the day you married her. If you do this there isn't anything she won't do to make you happy.
5. Show your spouse respect. Be the kind of man to your wife you want your daughter to marry. And set the example of what kind of man you want your son to be. They will follow in your footsteps.
6. Listen. When girls talk to you we don't want you to fix everything, sometimes we just need you to be our friend and listen.
7. Be her strength, No wife wants to feel like she has to be your mother too. Remember she married you to be your companion and to be your best friend, Allow her to be that.
8. Be her friend. Remember you are married. Marriage is a "WE" This doesn't make you weak it's makes you friends to include each other. If you're hurting or stressed, talk to your wife, include her, don't shut down. this will bring you closer.
9. Be honest! No marriage can survive secrets or lies. This goes for woman too!
10. Be prepared. Never forget your anniversary, valentines, birthdays, or any other special day in your marriage. Make plans, don't ever just assume your partner will make plans, or ask your partner what they want to do. (NO, NO) make an effort to let your partner know they are important to you, that you went out of your way to make it special, even, if it's just a dinner at home or a car ride or a walk, just the two of you, doesn't need to be expensive or extravagant, ,just needs to let her know she is important to you.
Finally for both partners:
Be the kind of person when you are apart, you will be missed. Be the person your partner can't live without.
I know that everyone at some point in their marriage questions wether they made the right choice. I found this saying below during a time in my life when I was questioning my decision in who I married. I love this authors philosophy. Once I started looking at life in this point of view I became a happier person and my marriage became a happier one. So I will end with this saying:
"I have no way of knowing whether or not you married the wrong person, but I do know that many people have a lot of wrong ideas about marriage and what it takes to make that marriage happy and successful. I'll be the first to admit that it's possible that you did marry the wrong person. However, if you treat the wrong person like the right person, you could well end up having married the right person after all. On the other hand, if you marry the right person, and treat that person wrong, you certainly will have ended up marrying the wrong person. I also know that it is far more important to be the right kind of person than it is to marry the right person. In short, whether you married the right or wrong person is primarily up to you." Zig Ziglar
Be the kind of person when you are apart, you will be missed. Be the person your partner can't live without.
I know that everyone at some point in their marriage questions wether they made the right choice. I found this saying below during a time in my life when I was questioning my decision in who I married. I love this authors philosophy. Once I started looking at life in this point of view I became a happier person and my marriage became a happier one. So I will end with this saying:
"I have no way of knowing whether or not you married the wrong person, but I do know that many people have a lot of wrong ideas about marriage and what it takes to make that marriage happy and successful. I'll be the first to admit that it's possible that you did marry the wrong person. However, if you treat the wrong person like the right person, you could well end up having married the right person after all. On the other hand, if you marry the right person, and treat that person wrong, you certainly will have ended up marrying the wrong person. I also know that it is far more important to be the right kind of person than it is to marry the right person. In short, whether you married the right or wrong person is primarily up to you." Zig Ziglar
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Aloha!
" Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans" Allen Saunders
It was February 24, 2004 when my children and I got on an airplane with nothing but our suitcases to start a new life in "Paradise," we were moving to the Sandwich Islands, better known as Hawaii, The Big island to be exact. My husband relocated there four months earlier for a job, when he was offered a permanent position we decided to move.
I had spent the last two months working full time, being a full time mother to four wonderful children, taking care of our 7 month old son who was sick with RSV(a respiratory virus). He was receiving home health and a nebulizer three times a day, my oldest son broke his arm during Football practice and had to have surgery, and in my spare time I was packing, cleaning the home and trying to sell all our belongings. My husband was able to fly over, but was only able to get two weeks off and did as much as he could to help while he was home, even with his help I felt very overwhelmed.
The last two month was so exhausting, and draining, I was running on pure adrenaline in order to keep myself from falling apart. When we got on our red eye flight after a long journey to the airport and saying goodbye to family and friends, I could finally let go. It felt good to be catered to on the airplane with movies and food, I took a deep sigh of relief. There was nothing more for me to do, other than sit back and enjoy the ride.
It was a very peaceful ride, the baby slept, my daughters were watching movies and my teenage son wasn't speaking to me. He had been giving me the silent treatment ever since his surgery. He was still mad at us for moving and ruining his life. Looking across at him on the plane I couldn't help but chuckle. He looked so mean with his Fluorescence Pink Cast. He had two other casts before his surgery and this time decided to be funny and get pink. The closer we got to arriving the more anxious I became. All I could think about was getting off the plane and handing the children over to my husband and starting my vacation, that I definitely earned!
It was morning when we landed on the Big island of Hawaii. The scenery wasn't at all how I pictured Hawaii to look. I imagined plush greenery and palm trees with vibrant tropical flowers all over. The view leaving the airport was nothing but black lava rock and very flat. I could see the look on my children's faces, they were thinking the same thing I was, where did we just move too! As we were driving to the town we saw writings in the rocks done by white coral with peoples names on it. That was fun to read and look at, but very different from what I had imagined an island to look like. I never understood why the airport was built where it was. It gave such a false persona of the Island. It wasn't until the following day when my husband drove us around the island we began to see the island we imagined it to look like. We visited the waterfalls Hawaii is famous for and the very well known Volcanoes that built the islands. The only active one in Hawaii today is on the Big Island of Hawaii. Then we stopped at the beach and let the kids experience the ocean for the first time. It was a dream come true. My poor son couldn't get in the water because of his cast, but enjoyed walking along the rocks in the water. We went home and my husband made us one of his Polynesian BBQ dinners, that we must have had a thousand times but it seemed like we were tasting it for the first time eating it in Hawaii.
After a couple of weeks getting the kids ready for school with all the required immunizations for the State of Hawaii, they finally started their first day. That is when my vacation started! I went to the beach everyday once the kids got off to school. I put the baby in a stroller and we walked the town and went in all the stores. I played a tourist until I ran out of excursions to do and places to go. I found all the "Keiki"( children) ponds and my baby loved it! I soon knew my way around the Island and new all the places to go. My husband was making enough money that I didn't have to find work, I was able to stay home and enjoy being a mother. I was unable to do be a stay-at- home mom with my other children and took full advantage of staying home with my last baby. When my baby started preschool I found a job, by this time I was ready to work again and have some independence again, plus it was a way for me to socialize with adults. Working was my vacation away from home.
My children instantly became part of the "local" scene. Being half polynesian helped. Even though they were not Hawaiian they were learning more about the Polynesian culture then they ever could have learned living on the "mainland", I absolutely was thrilled with everything they were learning and I quickly saw how moving here was the best decision we had made. Everyday waking up to our exquisite ocean view was beyond anything I could ever imagined. My daughters took up "Hula" classes and performed at varies Luau's and Resort on the Island, My eldest son became very involved in High School Sports and we traveled all the islands through his sports. Every time he had to play a High School on another island, we used it as an excuse to tour that island and would stay a few extra days. It was an amazing time in our lives. Every weekend was spent at the beach, BBQing or camping. We loved to entertain friends and new family we were meeting in our home. We were starting our own family traditions. I couldn't dream of having a better life anywhere else. The cultural experience my children were having was remarkable. We had made some life long friends and met relatives we had never seen before. After moving several times in the past we had finally found our home and a place where we wanted to settle and live forever. This was our "Ohana"(home and family). We started to look at homes to buy and make this a permanent move.We couldn't have been more happier; then, overnight the life we had built for ourselves had changed.
The economy crashed in 2008 and we were hit hard. Something we had not planned on. All construction and building came to a stop on the island. My husband struggled to find work and when he did he was having a hard time getting payment for his work. It was impossible to live off of my income alone trying to raise a family of six and we soon were losing everything we had spent the last few years building, within 3 months our oldest son graduated from High School and was leaving for college, we were being evicted from our home due to lack of income, we could no longer pay our bills and were behind on everything. When we realized there was nothing we could do without the income to continue living in Hawaii, regretfully we moved back to the "mainland" believing my husband would be able to find work. We ended up having a garage sale and sold all our belongings in our home and found ourselves once again at an airport with nothing but our suitcases starting over again! I was devastated, angry, hurt and felt like my life was falling apart, I felt like everything was out of my control and I didn't understand how this could have happened to us. I had no idea what the future held for myself or my family.
Within the first month of moving back to the "mainland" we found more devastation when we realized that we were now homeless and neither of us were able to find work. We were living with my mother. No person imagines in their "middle age" years, moving your entire family in with your parents. This should be a time in our lives when we should be buying our first home, happily raising our children and teaching them lessons, putting our children through school and helping them in building their future, dreams, and goals. We never imagined our confidence and security as parents and human beings could all be taken away. I questioned what kind of parent I was to my children when I couldn't even take care of myself. I began to have doubt in myself and felt like such a failure. I started looking back on my life and questioning every choice I ever made, wondering if I had done anything differently would I still be where I am today.
Moving to the "mainland" my children were old enough to recognize that certain people treated them different. For the first time in their lives they were the minority. I felt terrible. I cried every night in the shower when no one could hear me and prayed for people in this world to not be so closed minded. I didn't know how to take the pain away from my children knowing they were learning the realities of how ignorant some people in this world could be.
It was February 24, 2004 when my children and I got on an airplane with nothing but our suitcases to start a new life in "Paradise," we were moving to the Sandwich Islands, better known as Hawaii, The Big island to be exact. My husband relocated there four months earlier for a job, when he was offered a permanent position we decided to move.
I had spent the last two months working full time, being a full time mother to four wonderful children, taking care of our 7 month old son who was sick with RSV(a respiratory virus). He was receiving home health and a nebulizer three times a day, my oldest son broke his arm during Football practice and had to have surgery, and in my spare time I was packing, cleaning the home and trying to sell all our belongings. My husband was able to fly over, but was only able to get two weeks off and did as much as he could to help while he was home, even with his help I felt very overwhelmed.
The last two month was so exhausting, and draining, I was running on pure adrenaline in order to keep myself from falling apart. When we got on our red eye flight after a long journey to the airport and saying goodbye to family and friends, I could finally let go. It felt good to be catered to on the airplane with movies and food, I took a deep sigh of relief. There was nothing more for me to do, other than sit back and enjoy the ride.
It was a very peaceful ride, the baby slept, my daughters were watching movies and my teenage son wasn't speaking to me. He had been giving me the silent treatment ever since his surgery. He was still mad at us for moving and ruining his life. Looking across at him on the plane I couldn't help but chuckle. He looked so mean with his Fluorescence Pink Cast. He had two other casts before his surgery and this time decided to be funny and get pink. The closer we got to arriving the more anxious I became. All I could think about was getting off the plane and handing the children over to my husband and starting my vacation, that I definitely earned!
It was morning when we landed on the Big island of Hawaii. The scenery wasn't at all how I pictured Hawaii to look. I imagined plush greenery and palm trees with vibrant tropical flowers all over. The view leaving the airport was nothing but black lava rock and very flat. I could see the look on my children's faces, they were thinking the same thing I was, where did we just move too! As we were driving to the town we saw writings in the rocks done by white coral with peoples names on it. That was fun to read and look at, but very different from what I had imagined an island to look like. I never understood why the airport was built where it was. It gave such a false persona of the Island. It wasn't until the following day when my husband drove us around the island we began to see the island we imagined it to look like. We visited the waterfalls Hawaii is famous for and the very well known Volcanoes that built the islands. The only active one in Hawaii today is on the Big Island of Hawaii. Then we stopped at the beach and let the kids experience the ocean for the first time. It was a dream come true. My poor son couldn't get in the water because of his cast, but enjoyed walking along the rocks in the water. We went home and my husband made us one of his Polynesian BBQ dinners, that we must have had a thousand times but it seemed like we were tasting it for the first time eating it in Hawaii.
After a couple of weeks getting the kids ready for school with all the required immunizations for the State of Hawaii, they finally started their first day. That is when my vacation started! I went to the beach everyday once the kids got off to school. I put the baby in a stroller and we walked the town and went in all the stores. I played a tourist until I ran out of excursions to do and places to go. I found all the "Keiki"( children) ponds and my baby loved it! I soon knew my way around the Island and new all the places to go. My husband was making enough money that I didn't have to find work, I was able to stay home and enjoy being a mother. I was unable to do be a stay-at- home mom with my other children and took full advantage of staying home with my last baby. When my baby started preschool I found a job, by this time I was ready to work again and have some independence again, plus it was a way for me to socialize with adults. Working was my vacation away from home.
My children instantly became part of the "local" scene. Being half polynesian helped. Even though they were not Hawaiian they were learning more about the Polynesian culture then they ever could have learned living on the "mainland", I absolutely was thrilled with everything they were learning and I quickly saw how moving here was the best decision we had made. Everyday waking up to our exquisite ocean view was beyond anything I could ever imagined. My daughters took up "Hula" classes and performed at varies Luau's and Resort on the Island, My eldest son became very involved in High School Sports and we traveled all the islands through his sports. Every time he had to play a High School on another island, we used it as an excuse to tour that island and would stay a few extra days. It was an amazing time in our lives. Every weekend was spent at the beach, BBQing or camping. We loved to entertain friends and new family we were meeting in our home. We were starting our own family traditions. I couldn't dream of having a better life anywhere else. The cultural experience my children were having was remarkable. We had made some life long friends and met relatives we had never seen before. After moving several times in the past we had finally found our home and a place where we wanted to settle and live forever. This was our "Ohana"(home and family). We started to look at homes to buy and make this a permanent move.We couldn't have been more happier; then, overnight the life we had built for ourselves had changed.
The economy crashed in 2008 and we were hit hard. Something we had not planned on. All construction and building came to a stop on the island. My husband struggled to find work and when he did he was having a hard time getting payment for his work. It was impossible to live off of my income alone trying to raise a family of six and we soon were losing everything we had spent the last few years building, within 3 months our oldest son graduated from High School and was leaving for college, we were being evicted from our home due to lack of income, we could no longer pay our bills and were behind on everything. When we realized there was nothing we could do without the income to continue living in Hawaii, regretfully we moved back to the "mainland" believing my husband would be able to find work. We ended up having a garage sale and sold all our belongings in our home and found ourselves once again at an airport with nothing but our suitcases starting over again! I was devastated, angry, hurt and felt like my life was falling apart, I felt like everything was out of my control and I didn't understand how this could have happened to us. I had no idea what the future held for myself or my family.
Within the first month of moving back to the "mainland" we found more devastation when we realized that we were now homeless and neither of us were able to find work. We were living with my mother. No person imagines in their "middle age" years, moving your entire family in with your parents. This should be a time in our lives when we should be buying our first home, happily raising our children and teaching them lessons, putting our children through school and helping them in building their future, dreams, and goals. We never imagined our confidence and security as parents and human beings could all be taken away. I questioned what kind of parent I was to my children when I couldn't even take care of myself. I began to have doubt in myself and felt like such a failure. I started looking back on my life and questioning every choice I ever made, wondering if I had done anything differently would I still be where I am today.
Moving to the "mainland" my children were old enough to recognize that certain people treated them different. For the first time in their lives they were the minority. I felt terrible. I cried every night in the shower when no one could hear me and prayed for people in this world to not be so closed minded. I didn't know how to take the pain away from my children knowing they were learning the realities of how ignorant some people in this world could be.
In Hawaii, I experienced prejudices among some people. I was treated differently if I was in town alone, I was just a "hauli", if I went with my children or husband, I seemed to be more excepted. I didn't mind being the minority in Hawaii. I learned it was mostly because they didn't know me. Once I had lived there long enough to get to know people I didn't experience it as much. It never crossed my mind moving my children out of their comfort zone, they would have a different experience and I was hurt that my children had to go through this experience. They never looked at themselves as different before because, I never taught them to see color only a persons character.
Leave it to children to realize things better than adults! While I was struggling with helping my children go through this lesson in life, my daughter came home one day and ended up becoming my teacher. After school one day she came home smiling from ear to ear and said, "Mom, I figured out what is wrong with people here"? My curiosity was getting the best of me as I tried to imagine what she had discovered, I looked at her and said, "what"? She proudly replied by saying, "no one here has Aloha"! I was stunned by what she said. She was absolutely right!
In Hawaii, the culture is all about "Ohana"(family) and "Aloha"(love). With all the hustle and busy lifestyle of the "mainland," people can get so caught up in their accomplishments and lives, that they live for themselves and forget to live for others. This wasn't how I raised my children. Where we lived in Hawaii, life is taken back a notch and more laid back, people are not concerned with "keeping up with the Jones". The kids wear T-Shirt's and board-shorts, natural beach style hair or tied in a bun. The kids call you "Auntie" and "Uncle" out of respect. The teenage kids would hitch hike from beach to beach calling out your name, if you drove past them without giving them a ride. Everyone watches out for one another. The schools taught my kids about humanitarian work and community involvement in taking care of our environment and love for helping one another. At that very moment, I realized even though it cost more money to live in Hawaii, I felt more poorer financially and emotionally with the pressures that are put upon you living in the mainland. I found myself caring about social status, I was humiliated and ashamed I couldn't provide for my family and here comes my teenage daughter to remind me what I forgot. I was proud of my daughter for realizing that wasn't what mattered in life. What mattered was having "Aloha"!
We have chosen to make "Aloha" our family motto. My children have become active members of the community in volunteering for events, something they did in Hawaii and was able to carry on in our new town. My youngest son took it upon himself to educate his class about polynesians, so they knew about his culture. My daughter became part of the student council in her school and had a culture week in her school. My husband and I were both amazed and proud at how our children decided to deal with diversity. They taught us better than we could have taught them. Everyday, I wake up in "aw" of my children and their determination to remain positive no matter how bad the outcome may seem. To always find the positive in everything. To remember there is a reason and purpose for everything that happens in life. We are never given any trial we are not strong enough to handle and as long as we remember to have "Aloha" we can get through anything as a family and an individual.
Our family was hit hard when the economy changed and we were only one family out of many that ended up having their lives changed by the crash of 2008, but I believe we have become stronger as a family through this. This experience has only humbled us and made us realize that no matter how hard you work and plan your life while you are busy living the "American" dream, it can all come crumbling down in a heart beat. When all is said and done all that truly matters is not how much money a person makes or the job they have or what kind of home you live in, the car you drive or your social status in society, the true dream is being together as a Family and being loved, having Aloha and Ohana.! When disaster strikes no one cares about what you are, but who you are, your integrity, your compassion, your character, your love for one another. As long as my children have learned that, then I know I have succeeded as a parent.
Our goal is to return to Hawaii someday, but, until that day happens, we keep Hawaii in our hearts by never forgetting the most important thing we learned living there and that is to spread "Aloha' wherever you are. This keeps Hawaii, close to our hearts. Life may have taken us temporarily away from our home we built there, but it's only made our journey to return more adventurous.
Leave it to children to realize things better than adults! While I was struggling with helping my children go through this lesson in life, my daughter came home one day and ended up becoming my teacher. After school one day she came home smiling from ear to ear and said, "Mom, I figured out what is wrong with people here"? My curiosity was getting the best of me as I tried to imagine what she had discovered, I looked at her and said, "what"? She proudly replied by saying, "no one here has Aloha"! I was stunned by what she said. She was absolutely right!
In Hawaii, the culture is all about "Ohana"(family) and "Aloha"(love). With all the hustle and busy lifestyle of the "mainland," people can get so caught up in their accomplishments and lives, that they live for themselves and forget to live for others. This wasn't how I raised my children. Where we lived in Hawaii, life is taken back a notch and more laid back, people are not concerned with "keeping up with the Jones". The kids wear T-Shirt's and board-shorts, natural beach style hair or tied in a bun. The kids call you "Auntie" and "Uncle" out of respect. The teenage kids would hitch hike from beach to beach calling out your name, if you drove past them without giving them a ride. Everyone watches out for one another. The schools taught my kids about humanitarian work and community involvement in taking care of our environment and love for helping one another. At that very moment, I realized even though it cost more money to live in Hawaii, I felt more poorer financially and emotionally with the pressures that are put upon you living in the mainland. I found myself caring about social status, I was humiliated and ashamed I couldn't provide for my family and here comes my teenage daughter to remind me what I forgot. I was proud of my daughter for realizing that wasn't what mattered in life. What mattered was having "Aloha"!
We have chosen to make "Aloha" our family motto. My children have become active members of the community in volunteering for events, something they did in Hawaii and was able to carry on in our new town. My youngest son took it upon himself to educate his class about polynesians, so they knew about his culture. My daughter became part of the student council in her school and had a culture week in her school. My husband and I were both amazed and proud at how our children decided to deal with diversity. They taught us better than we could have taught them. Everyday, I wake up in "aw" of my children and their determination to remain positive no matter how bad the outcome may seem. To always find the positive in everything. To remember there is a reason and purpose for everything that happens in life. We are never given any trial we are not strong enough to handle and as long as we remember to have "Aloha" we can get through anything as a family and an individual.
Our family was hit hard when the economy changed and we were only one family out of many that ended up having their lives changed by the crash of 2008, but I believe we have become stronger as a family through this. This experience has only humbled us and made us realize that no matter how hard you work and plan your life while you are busy living the "American" dream, it can all come crumbling down in a heart beat. When all is said and done all that truly matters is not how much money a person makes or the job they have or what kind of home you live in, the car you drive or your social status in society, the true dream is being together as a Family and being loved, having Aloha and Ohana.! When disaster strikes no one cares about what you are, but who you are, your integrity, your compassion, your character, your love for one another. As long as my children have learned that, then I know I have succeeded as a parent.
Our goal is to return to Hawaii someday, but, until that day happens, we keep Hawaii in our hearts by never forgetting the most important thing we learned living there and that is to spread "Aloha' wherever you are. This keeps Hawaii, close to our hearts. Life may have taken us temporarily away from our home we built there, but it's only made our journey to return more adventurous.
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